Collision
by Hipster Blood Ritual
Summary: Doctor Who/Sherlock/Axis Powers Hetalia crossover fic. What will happen when 3 universes collide? Will the Doctor be able to fix it? And if the Pict suddenly show up? What about France and Jack? Rated T for  Romano's  language.
1. The Doctor

The Doctor stared up at the slowly moving time rotor, thinking of nothing but Rose. Just a little while earlier, he'd found one of her jackets, tossed carelessly on the floor of a corridor.

He'd picked it up, and out fluttered a small piece of paper with her handwriting on it. She had written down what several scientific phrases meant- ones that he remembered stumping her with. She must have looked them up in the TARDIS library.

It had made him totally depressed. Now he couldn't stop thinking about her.

He hoped the TARDIS would bring him somewhere distracting. Somewhere with a problem he could solve.

But that would have been too easy. So when the TARDIS's console erupted with sparks, and the screen began emitting loud alarm sounds, he'd pretty much known it was going to.

But he never would have expected what was actually happening.

As it were, it took him several seconds to process what was happening.

Because there was no possible way in the universe that it COULD actually be happening.

None. Nada. Zip.

But there it was, defying every law in the universe and time.

3 different universes, about to collapse on each other. About to form one mashed up, totally wrong universe.

There was no way to stop it. But he had to get out of their way. He frantically pulled levers, pushed buttons and turned handles.

The TARDIS materialized on a street corner in London, the very second before the universes smashed together.

And suddenly, utter chaos broke out.


	2. The sociopath

Watson sighed. He'd been stuck inside all day. Sherlock was in the lab, 'doing work', supposedly.

Watson knew he was only escaping the interests of Inspector Lestrade. So he was most likely stalking random passerby, trying to figure out their life stories.

Watson had accompanied him several times on these jaunts, trying to learn how Sherlock did it. He was getting better, he liked to think. He could at least tell what people's personalities were like by which movies they rented.

He got up for some tea. As he was getting it, the front door creaked. Sherlock walked into the kitchen, removing his scarf.

"We've got to fix that door." Sherlock remarked, as he took all the water Watson had just heated. "It isn't dignified for me to have a creaky door. People can tell when I come in."

Watson set the kettle to boil again. He'd long since learned to ignore Sherlock's rude behavior. After all, a 'high level sociopath' had little reason to be polite.

That was Sherlock's reasoning, at least.

"Right, well" Watson began. "How was the lab?"

"Lestrade showed up, quite out of turn." Sherlock frowned as he took a gulp of tea, gagged, then dumped the sugar bowl into his mug.

"Will he show up here?" Watson asked, as he patiently refilled the sugar bowl.

"Shouldn't." Sherlock gulped his tea. "He saw me see him, then get the cab. He'll rightly assume I went home."

Watson nodded, spooning sugar into his tea.

"What's that rattling noise?" Sherlock asked Watson, before dashing out of the room.

Watson frowned. Rattling noise?

But he heard it then too. The spoons on the table. He turned around. They were shaking and jumping all over the place.

Watson turned back to his tea, which was now all over the counter. "Earthquake!" he shouted.

Sherlock strode back into the kitchen. "I made that assumption." he informed Watson, as the table began jumping into the air. "Perhaps outside would be a wise place to be at the moment."

They ran.

Outside, the streets were shaking. Trees were toppling. People ran out of their houses and flats, protecting their heads.

Sherlock grinned. Excitement. What he lived for. Maybe someone would use the cover of the earthquake to murder someone. Wouldn't that be wonderful? He found himself grinning bigger.

Watson slapped him on the arm. "People could be dying."

"That's what I live for."

They watched, startled, as the landmarks subtly changed.

"What was that?" Watson asked, in bewilderment. "Earthquakes don't change the color of buildings. And add old fashioned police boxes."

Sherlock was equally confused. But of course he didn't show it.

And that's when all hell broke loose.

**A/N**

**Right, the Sherlock bit. Are they terribly OOC? **


	3. The country

**A/N  
>This is the Hetalia bit- after this, they'll all be together. I'll be using country names- and human names when they refertalk to other humans (or Gallifreyans)- hopefully no one is totally against this… :) enjoy!  
><strong>  
>Britain sighed. He was soo bored. All he wanted was something fun to do.<p>

All the interesting, little countries had popped off on vacation, leaving him to babysit the rest of the Allies, all the Axis and several others, including Hungary, Prussia, Spain, Romano and Austria. It was the worst ever.

At least Germany could be responsible for Italy. And Spain could easily be counted on for Romano. Austria didn't need watching, likewise Japan.

Basically, Britain was responsible for watching all the rest of the Allies.

And it was torture. China was getting obsessed with American cuisine (for reasons unknown), Russia was being Russia (which should be explanation enough). Same went for France. And America had been watching Power Rangers, so he was currently jumping off buildings, trying to become the Red Ranger.

It was a nightmare.

At the moment, it was currently the middle of the night, the only time Britain had any time to himself. So he was in his Big Ben pajamas, avidly watching his BBC Wales recordings.

He could barely keep his eyes open, but he couldn't miss a word the actors said. Especially not Tom Baker. The best Doctor ever. Well, there were supposed to be 13 Doctors, but Arthur was only in the middle of the 4th Doctor. He wouldn't skip around the episodes, even though he definitely had the option to. He'd watch all the episodes in chronological order. The one source of order in his nightmarish, chaotic life.

It was a truly magnificent scene when the first tremors started. Britain couldn't tear his eyes away, even to see what the great crash was.

When the second crash came from right outside his bedroom, he began to get suspicious. Of course tonight would be the night America decided to practice his Power Ranger skills on the hall sconces.

Britain paused his episode, already thinking about the punishments he would inflict on America, and whoever else was out there.

He opened his door slowly. There was no one there. But sure enough, the hall sconce outside his room was smashed on the ground. Wires sticking out of the wall spat sparks at random.

Britain went to America's room first. The blonde lay sleeping soundly in his Power Ranger sleeping bag.

Who smashed the lamp?

Britain went to each of the countries (temporary) bedrooms. They were all staying the night at his house.

They were all sleeping soundly.

So when the knock on the front door came, only Britain heard it.

On his way past the kitchen, he glanced at the clock. Half past two in the morning. Who was at the door this early?

He turned on the porch light and opened the door. He was greeted by two faceless, white humanoid creatures.

"Greetings" the one in front said. "We are the Pict. Come with us."

It reached out with its great white paw to touch Britain's dressing gown. He stepped back.

"Sorry." It was two in the morning after all. "But how can you talk without a mouth?"

Then he slammed the door in the Pict's... well... general direction.

Then the tremors really got started. Pots and pans in Britain's kitchen fell off their counters and hooks. The floor shook and walls wobbled. Britain cowered against the wall.

For a second, everything went black. Totally, utterly dark.

Then it was the middle of the day. The sun streamed in the windows like it was a perfect day. Like it was the middle of the morning, when the smells of bacon, coffee and pancakes should be wafting around the house.

But of course it was still half past two in the morning.

Britain, after the initial shock and panic of the moment, got up to look out the window. What he should have seen were his estate's well-groomed lawns. What he saw was a street corner in London, practically abandoned save for two men in dark clothing and an EXTREMELY out of place blue Police Public Call Box.

What was that doing there? He'd gotten rid of them, like, a _century _ago.

Unless it just _looked _like a Police Box.

So when he dashed out of his house's new front door in his Big Ben pajamas, he was the center of attention. But all he could possibly think about was who was going to step out of that Police Box.


	4. Introductions, or, the wrong Sherlock

So when a tall, skinny man who looked vaguely like a brown haired Elvis wearing a brown pinstripe suit and Converses stepped out of the Box, Britain was totally disappointed.

"Well, if it's not the TARDIS." Britain mumbled to himself, "Why is it here? These things have gone out of commission _years_ ago. _Decades_. What shall I do with it?"

"Sorry?" the man in the suit asked. "Who are you, and why do you know about the TARDIS?"

"I should ask you that! Who are you?" Britain asked. "Making a cheap mock-up copy of my favorite spaceship!"

"I'm the Doctor." the man said. "And you?"

Ah.

Britain relaxed. He finally understood. The man was a new country. Obviously one from the UK, judging from the accent, and his knowledge of Doctor Who. But that made him Britain's (extra) responsibility.

"Arthur Kirkland." Britain introduced himself. "And that's obviously not your real name. And where are you situated?"

"What?"

"Like Sealand for example." Britain tried to be as clear as possible. "He's off my coast. Where are you?"

New countries were so dumb sometimes.

"I'm sorry." the man still seemed confused. "I really don't have the slightest idea of what you're talking about, but I have to go find something. Excuse me."

Britain frowned. As the man pushed open the creaky blue door to the Police Box and walked through, he slipped through the door along with him.

It was bigger on the inside.

Although it looked almost nothing like the Tom Baker TARDIS, it was a TARDIS.

Britain finally understood. It was a trick. "I get it."

The suit man whirled around from where he'd been typing on the console. "Yes?"

"This is a trick. One of my friends told you about my late night marathons, and you've made a TARDIS, and pretended to be the Doctor, even though I haven't seen you at all before. Well, happy to tell you, it is not funny. Not after all we've just been through. So please, just tell me who you are."

"I told you before, I'm the Doctor."

"No, you're not."

"How can you tell if I am or not?"

"Because the REAL Doctor wears a scarf. He has a lot more hair than you do, and a cute tin dog named K-9."

"I loved that scarf!" the man broke into a huge smile. "But how do you know about it?"

Britain frowned. The man must be a bit thick. "I watched it. I'm almost done with the Tom Baker series."

"How do you WATCH my life?"

"Your life? How far can you take this joke? I watch the episodes. On DVD. Online. They stream instantly now."

"DVD? How...? That's not possible..."

He typed faster, eyes intent upon the console screen. "Ah... I'm starting to get the picture."

"What picture?"

"Where we are. What just happened."

"What do you mean where we are? We're in London."

"Not my London, weelll, if I have a particular London, which I don't, not exactly, but it's not any of mine. Not yours, either, apparently, which means..."

The interior of the TARDIS echoed with the sound of someone knocking on the door.

"Those two men!" the Doctor's eyes lit up. "Open the door, please, Arthur Kirkland."

Britain pulled the door open slowly. Standing outside were two men. The two men he'd seen as he'd madly dashed for the box.

One was very tall, had an angular face with a mop of curly black hair. He was wearing an overcoat, a pair of gloves and a scarf.

The other was short, stocky, had closely cropped greying hair and was wearing a grey ribbed woolen sweater.

The Doctor rudely pushed Britain away from the door. "Pleasure to see you men here. I'm the Doctor. Perhaps you've heard of me? This man certainly has." he gestured to Britain. "Care to join us?"

The taller man, obviously the leader, nodded. "Yes, thanks."

When they were all standing in the TARDIS, the Doctor turned to them. "So who are you, and where are you from?"

"I'm Sherlock Holmes, and this is John Watson. We're both from London."

The Doctor's eyes lit up at the mention of their names. "Oh, brilliant. Sherlock Holmes himself. And Watson! Can I have your autographs?"

Sherlock's mouth twitched up. "You've heard of us, I suppose?"

"Who hasn't?" The Doctor dug for a pen and some paper. "Most well-known crime solving duo in history! Well, besides Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys and the Boxcar Children, but they weren't half as brilliant as you. I mean, you were just two, brilliant blokes using their minds. How fantastic is that?"

"Right, well," Watson muttered, pointing to Sherlock. "He's the brilliant one."

The Doctor turned. "No, you both were." He sniffed. "Hang on a second though." He sniffed some more, then tasted the air. "You don't smoke!"

Sherlock raised an eyebrow. "No. Neither do you."

The Doctor waved his hand. "Well, naturally. It could kill you. But you should! You should have the felt ear cap and the pipe! You should-" He stopped, midsentence. "You shouldn't be wearing leather gloves from Abercrombie and Fitch."

Sherlock frowned. This weirdo wasn't the only one who could tell things. "Well, you shouldn't be able to be here. This box is a dimensionally transcendent pocket, probably in time as well, seeing as you haven't aged in quite a while. Telling by your slightly more than eccentric wardrobe choices and your comfort at being around something as alien as this ship- because that is what it is- you're obviously not from around here. Anywhere near here. You're an alien, Doctor."

"Oh, just brilliant." The Doctor smiled happily. "What else can you tell me about me?"

Sherlock scrutinized the Doctor closely before speaking again. "You're old, very old. But somehow this body is new. The way you move, they way you are unfamiliar with the way things work in your mind and with handling your machine skills."

The Doctor met Sherlock's eyes, dead on.

"You're in pain. I can see it in your eyes, the way you walk, like you're holding up the weight of the world. You lost someone- lots of someone's, probably. And the guilt I can see in your eyes implies you either blame yourself because there's no one else to blame, or it really was your fault."

"Okay." The look of pain was unmistakable now, as the Doctor averated his eyes and got up for the console. "You're right."

Sherlock nodded smugly. "Thought so. But why are you here?"

The Doctor smiled as he dashed around the console, typing and switching and levering. "You should probably be able to tell."

Sherlock smiled a small smile. Mysteries. He closed his eyes. He'd already figured it out.

**A/N  
>On the subject of timelines... Doctor Who- sometime after the Utopia saga, before Donna.<strong>

**Hetalia- anytime, but they know nothing of the Pict.**

**Sherlock- It doesn't really matter... But Watson lives on Baker Street.**


	5. The happy couple and the flirt

"Well," Britain remarked after awhile. "I'm going to go and change out of my jim-jams. I suppose you'll all be here when I get back?"

He rather enjoyed being in the company of other Londoners.

"Yes, yes, of course." The Doctor waved his hand rather distractedly. "But I'll need you back here to explain a bit more."

Britain nodded. "Likewise."

He opened the TARDIS's door and left them to their contemplating.

Once inside his slightly changed house, he ran quietly up to his bedroom to change. Whilst upstairs, he peeked into America's room. The curtains were drawn tightly shut. He guessed every other country's were too. That's why they were all still asleep.

Washed and changed, Britain quietly stole downstairs, quite a feat in his combat boots. He was congratulating himself, but then he saw Spain and Romano sitting by the door waiting for him.

"Where've you been?" Spain asked him. "What's going on?"

"Um," Britain scrambled for words. "I...uh..."

"We're going to come with you." Romano informed him. "So lead on, please."

"Shh!" Britain looked around, panicked. "Okay!"

He led the two of them (happy couple) out the door and over to the TARDIS. He knocked on the door.

"Come in!" The Doctor's voice was slightly harried.

Britain looked back at Spain and Romano. "Just stay quiet, okay?"

He pushed the door open. Spain and Romano followed him inside.

Spain gasped. "It's bigger on the inside!"

Britain smirked, but then noticed a new man in the room. "Who's that?"

The man walked over to him with a winning smile. "Captain Jack Harkness." He took Britain's hand warmly. "And you are?"

Britain recoiled slightly. Despite his very American accent, Captain Jack's actions were VERY much like France's.

"Stop it." The Doctor told Jack, still working at the console.

"I was just saying hello!" Jack pouted, then turned to Romano. "Well hi there! What's your name?"

Romano, too, was reminded strongly of Francis. So as Jack stepped forward, to presumably kiss her cheek, she stepped back and slapped his face. "Stay the fuck away from me." She reached out behind her for Spain's hand.

The Doctor watched the exchange with an amused expression on his face. But as Romano reached behind her for the comfort of Spain's hand, he turned away, flexing his right hand, as if he wanted to be holding something. Or someone.

Sherlock noticed. However, understanding almost nothing about human affection, he made a very clinical observation.

But Spain noticed too. As he took Romano's outstretched hand, he saw the Doctor turn away. Since Spain actually understood what loss looked like, he understood the Doctor- perhaps better than Sherlock.

Jack rubbed his stinging jaw. "Okay. I get it." He smiled at Spain. "Out of bounds."

"Okay, Jack. Enough." The Doctor pressed a final button with a flourish. "Done!" He whirled around to face the rest of the group. "But please, introduce yourselves to everyone, newcomers."

Spain waved his free hand. "I'm Antonio, this is Lovina." He spoke with a strong Spanish accent.

"They're staying with me" Britain clarified. "He's Spanish, she's from Southern Italy."

When they opened their mouths to say that 'no, actually, we ARE the personifications of the countries' Britain put his finger to his lips. They weren't going to disclose that yet.

Spain nodded imperceptibly. Okay, he thought. We'll play along for now.

Sherlock noticed.

"Right then!" The Doctor shouted. "Here is our problem!"

Everyone gathered around him, eager to hear.

"We've got 3 universes that have crashed into eachother. Actually, make that 3 different Londons. That's all. My London was normal...ish. Sherlock's was totally normal, but the other one..." He turned to the three countries. "I don't suppose you could explain?"

"Well, what does your monitor tell you?" Britain asked.

The Doctor read the words on the screen. "One, my London. Population human. Two, Sherlock's London. Population human. Three, your London. The population is unknown. What are you?"

Spain, Romano and Britain shared a glance. "Can we just ask-" Britain began carefully, "What are you going to do about this issue?"

"Fix it." was the Doctor's immediate response. "We can't have London stay like this. It's destroying the fabric of reality as we speak. And that's some strong stuff. Had a jacket made out of it once. Lasted me a lifetime. Think I still have it somewhere."

"He makes a habit of rambling in this body." Jack apologized for him.

"Right then." Britain took a breath. "It might take some explaining, and you might not even understand."

The Doctor shook his head. "Try me."

"Anthropomorphic personifications" Britain said. "Of countries."

"Countries!" the Doctor exclaimed. "Fascinating! Brilliant! You mean like the actual landforms on Earth?"

Britain nodded. "Exactly. I'm the UK, this is Spain, and South Italy, but we call her Romano."

"Amazing!" The Doctor was practically jumping up and down. "I've never seen anything like this before! Are there more of you?"

Britain nodded. "Everyone, but most of them went on vacation to the Bahamas. I was left here with the larger countries."

"And those would be...?"

"America, France, Russia, China, Japan, Germany, North Italy, Austria, Hungary..."

"Brilliant." The Doctor clearly wanted to ask them more questions, but the present issue demanded his attention. He had to ask, though. "Is there a Scotland? I'd really love to meet him."

"Why? You're English. And yes, he's my older brother, but he's gone on holiday with the rest of them. And trust me- you don't want to meet him." Britain explained.

"Right. Of course. Ah well." The Doctor turned to the screen as it began emitting loud alarms. "Ack."

"What now?" Jack asked.

"As if our problems weren't enough, the universe decided to add some aliens for extra fun."

"Where are they from?"

"I don't know."

"Visual?" Jack joined the Doctor at the screen.

"Yeah." The Doctor flicked a switch. "There you go."

"Ehh..." Jack disguised a laugh. "They're like giant bunnies."

Britain joined them. The picture showed one of the things that had knocked on his door that morning. What had they called themselves? The Pict?

"I've seen those." Britain said. "They came to my door before the earthquake. They called themselves The Pict."

"The Pict..." The Doctor muttered. "I wonder..."


	6. How do you watch your life?

"So you have no idea what Pict are?" The Doctor asked Britain.

"None at all." He replied. "The first time I saw them was this morning, on my front porch."

"Right then..." The Doctor continued his close scrutiny of the screen. "There's really nothing I can do about any of it, just yet. It's possible the Pict may be a little more than an annoyance."

"They might be responsible." Sherlock said.

"Right." The Doctor popped a flash drive out of his computer. "But you already worked that out."

Sherlock smiled.

"How are you so brilliant?" The Doctor asked. "This is strangely humbling. Usually I'm the genius."

"I'm only smart when it comes to humans, Doctor." Sherlock said. "A little extra deduction time is nothing compared to how many other cultures you see on a day to day basis."

"Right." The Doctor smiled. "But what I wouldn't give to have the speed of thoughts you have."

Sherlock nodded, his hand rubbing his left arm.

The Doctor cocked an eyebrow. "Ah. I see. Powers of deduction. You don't smoke."

Sherlock gave a grim smile. "Nope."

"Nice." Jack grinned. "Haven't tried those. Do they work?"

"It helps me think." Sherlock answered.

"Meditate." muttered Watson. "Or just holler orders at me."

"What do they call you?" Jack asked Sherlock. "You're kind of a maniac. How many patches do you have on right now? Three? Maybe a pyscho."

"Jack!" the Doctor was appalled.

"I'm not a psycho, I'm a high level sociopath. There's a very fine line."

"Very." Jack said, as Watson muttered the same.

"Do you happen to have a tea making facility in your house?" the Doctor asked Britain, trying to sidestep an argument.

"Yeah." Britain looked around. "Why don't you all come in?"

"Right." The Doctor looked relived. "Do you happen to have a laptop? I need to do some more research on these Pict."

Britain nodded as he led the strange group out of the TARDIS and into his house.

Which was completely destroyed.

"AMERICA!" Arthur hollered. "What have you DONE?"

Another blonde head peeked out of the kitchen. "I made breakfast..."

"Right, well," The Doctor frowned, finding himself in another argument. He hated arguments.

The blonde stepped put from the kitchen. He was tall, slightly stocky and wore square glasses. He held out a plate of blackened discs. "I made pancakes." he said, with a winning smile.

Britain took a step back. "America, why don't you go and play in your room, okay?"

"Right." America retreated from a murderous Britain. "I'm Alfred, by the way."

"Go into the front room, Doctor, everyone, and I'll get us some tea, okay?" Britain peeked into the kitchen. "Make yourselves comfortable. It may take awhile."

As the large group made their way into the sitting room, they were greeted by several other people. They introduced themselves as Ludwig, Feliciano and Kiku.

Introductions and explanations were made- lucky for them the other countries were understanding enough to believe them.

"Ve~" Italy said, a dreamy smile on his face. "Do ve get to play in your spaceship?"

"Sorry, no." The Doctor said. "Delicate piece of machinery."

"The TARDIS, correct? Time And Relative Dimension In Space?" Japan asked the Doctor.

"Right." the Doctor frowned. "How do you know that?"

"Watched it, of course." Japan looked surprised. "I've seen the entire new series. I must admit, David Tennant is strikingly similar to you in appearance."

"Right." The Doctor shook his head. "Could I perhaps see this?"

Japan took his laptop off his chair. "Right here. I've searched it for you and everything."

Staring back at the Doctor was his own face. Exactly his face. He scrolled through the images of him and the TARDIS, zipping through the time vortex, defeating aliens, and, oh.

It was Rose.

Looking over Bad Wolf Bay, her hair in the wind, waiting for him. For his last goodbye.

His eyes got slightly damp. But he wouldn't cry in front of these strangers. He quickly scrolled down.

Oh.

Here was an interesting one. It showed all 10 of his incarnations, lined up. The actors they'd picked for portraying him were uncanny. It was scary.

"Do you mind if I watch an episode?" The Doctor's curiosity was insatiable now. He needed to know how they knew his life story- and if they even got it right.

"Not at all. Here, we can hook it up to the TV. Which episode would you like to watch?"

There was a dilemma. What part of his life did he want to watch? "I suppose I don't care." He really didn't, as long as it wasn't when Rose was taken off to the parallel universe.

"Here," Japan said. "What about this one? I liked it quite a lot. It's called Utopia."

"Sounds good." The Doctor settled on the couch.

Britain came in with the tea. "What are you doing, watching without me? Is this the new series?"

Japan nodded. "Now be quiet!"

The episode began.

The Doctor couldn't tear his eyes away from the screen. It portrayed everything so perfectly. The way he really acted, the way Jack really acted. The way he and Jack talked about Rose. The way Martha acted when Rose was brought up. His emotions. Everyone's emotions.

By the end of the episode, he was trying to remember what he'd been thinking at those very moments.

It was quite surreal.

How had this happened?

"Ve~ All over." Italy said unhappily as the episode ended on a cliffhanger. "What happened to ze Master?"

"He died." The Doctor was blunt. "Killed by his wife and his own stubbornness. I told him to regenerate, but he refused."

"Right." Sherlock said quietly. "Because you would have had to basically imprison him."

"Yes." The Doctor's eyes were distant. "He couldn't bear that. So he decided to die. And now I really am the last of my kind."

Italy gave him a hug.

It was kind of like being comforted by a child, but the Doctor didn't mind. He was far too old to be bothered with things like that now.

Besides, he missed feeling wanted.


	7. France, meet Jack

"Okay." The Doctor stared, unblinking, at the computer screen through his glasses.

Japan hadn't objected to a sonic upgrade- so now the Doctor could search anything in the universe. "The Pict..."

"Find anything?" Britain asked as he brought in the 4th round of tea.

"What did they ask you, when they came to the door?" The Doctor turned to Britain, running his hands through his hair in a distracted fashion.

"We are the Pict." Britain recalled. "Come with us."

"How did they talk without mouths?" Jack wondered.

"Lots of things can talk without mouths." The Doctor said, turning back to the computer. "Take flowers for instance."

"Flowers? Les fleures? For moi?"

Britain groaned. France was awake.

"Fran-" Britain was interrupted by Jack.

"Hello there." Jack held out his hand. "Captain Jack Harkness. And you are?"

"Francis" France smiled flirtatiously at Jack.

"Stop it."

"Just saying hello, Doctor. Nothing wrong with that."

Britain set down the Doctor's tea. "Until he meets France..."

The Doctor turned in his seat to catch a look at the new country. "France?"

Britain sat down at the table. "You know, France. The country of love... He's worse than Jack."

"Oh..." The Doctor shook his head and got back to work.

"Get a room, you two." Spain smirked at the flirting guys.

Jack covertly flipped him off. "You're one to talk."

Romano, perched on Spain's lap, blushed, and tried to leave. Spain's arms held her tight against him. "We're not the ones having verbal-"

Japan covered his mouth. "What he's trying to say, is if you two are going to continue fraternizing, could you please leave the room?"

Romano looked down at Spain, laughter in her eyes. He squeezed her hand.

The Doctor carefully ignored it. Which meant he saw every second.

"Ah HA!" The Doctor clicked a lucky link. "The Pict!"

Britain peered over the Doctor's shoulder at the screen.

The strange white creatures looked back. Well, they didn't look. The area where their faces should have been was directed at the screen.

The Doctor's eyes flashed back and forth as he read the information. "Pict..."

The doorbell rang.

"Italy, go answer the door for your boyfriend. He's back with the groceries." Spain laughed.

"Ve~ Doitsu is back!" Italy wandered down the hall.

"Is he quite all right?" Watson asked the countries collectively. "He seems a bit... Odd..."

"Oh. He is." Spain nodded.

Nothing more was said.

Watson turned to Sherlock. His eyes were closed. He was in his 'quiet contemplation' pose, hands steepled in front of his face, eyes half closed.

All the suit-wearing humanoids had shed their jackets around the 2nd cup of tea. The room was quite warm with all the people in it.

Watson kept comparing the Doctor and Sherlock. They were somehow so similar. They were both so manic, but somehow totally serious and sad. The Doctor seemed to admire them both, he and Sherlock, but why, he couldn't tell. He was sure Sherlock knew. He wished he could ask. Maybe it was time to use some powers of deduction on his own.

"Ve~" Italy was back. "Doitsu wasn't there... But I made some friends!"

No one looked over. "Very nice, Italy."

"3 universes..." The Doctor kept muttering. "Me, Sherlock, Britain... But the Pict... Which one were they from? Pict... Pict... If only we could find them..."

"Ve~" Italy said happily. "My friends want to take you all somewhere nice! They said Doitsu was there!"

Britain looked up. "Listen, Italy, I-"

It was Italy, flanked by three Pict.

"Holy FUCK!" Romano jumped off Spain's lap, dragging him along with her.

The Doctor leapt out of his seat. "The Pict!" he straightened his tie. "I'm the Doctor, perhaps you've heard of me?"

"We are the Pict. Come with us." the one in front intoned.

The Doctor turned around to look at the room full of people. As he turned back to the Pict, he made a shooing motion with his hand behind his back.

Most of everyone evacuated. But of course, Jack, Britain, Sherlock and Watson stayed, moving to flank the Doctor.

"Right." Britain said. "Take us to your leader."

The Doctor made a mental note to try saying that at some point.

"The leader is already here." The Pict said. "I am the leader. The only one who can talk."

"Oh..." Britain sighed. "I suppose that makes sense."

"You will come to our ship."

"Please, lead on." Jack said happily. "I'm Captain Jack Harkness, by the way."

"Jack."

"Follow." The Pict lead the way out of the house and into the street.

As they walked down the street, headed for, apparently, the park, the Doctor looked around. "Where are the people?" he whispered to Jack.

"Dunno. I don't even know how I got here. I was just sitting, um, doing some work, and all of a sudden, it goes completely black outside. It was like that for a few seconds, and then it just got light. No gradual shift- just dark, then light."

"Which London were you in, though?"

"Mine." Jack shook his head. "Actually, I was here on business. I would be leaving... Tomorrow, I suppose. And trust me, my London is not any of yours."

"There were more..."

"More?"

The Doctor sighed. "More universes that collided. We're up to 4 now..."

"Is that bad?" Jack asked.

"Doctor!"

The cry came from down the road. The sound of the voice dragged at the Doctor's heart.

He turned around, hoping.

It was.

Rose.

"This is where you ran off to!" Rose frowned. "I've been waiting for an hour!"

The Doctor stared in silence at her. He remembered this. He'd popped off in the TARDIS to the planet Zenaoie 6 to get her a jacket she'd been eyeing. He'd been gone about three hours, because the marketplace was being taken over by a small species of frog.

"Well?" Rose glared sourly. "And you've gone and changed your clothes!"

The Doctor cleared his throat. "I'm... I'm not him. Weelll, yes, I am, but."

Rose fell into step beside him. "Take your time."

"I'm his future self."

Rose nodded in understanding. "But you told me that you shouldn't mess up timelines like this."

"Right." the Doctor frowned. "This was totally an accident. See who else is here?"

"Rosie!" Jack waved happily.

"Who are the other people?" Rose asked.

"Sherlock Holmes, John Watson... And..." the Doctor paused.

"Arthur Kirkland." Britain supplied. "Nice to meet you, Rose."

She nodded at him, smiling, then turned back to the Doctor. "So... What's going on?"

The Doctor smiled. Rose could help out so nicely. "We've got at least 5 universes that have crashed into eachother. And the Pict, which somehow came from Arthur's universe."

"Wait-" Rose said. "If you're here, and my Doctor was in my universe, where's he gone off to?"

The Doctor didn't want to tell her, seeing as it was supposed to be a surprise, but...

"Wait a sec." Rose looked aghast. "I'm not with you. Did you leave me?"

The Doctor looked sad. "With all your stuff cluttering up the TARDIS? Of course not!"

Ah. Rose visibly relaxed. "Okay."

How could he have left her? Why would she think that?

"Besides," the Doctor said. "I wouldn't just drop you off in London without a goodbye. I wouldn't drop you off anywhere. If you left, it would be your choice."

Rose took his hand, unconsciously. The Doctor closed his eyes. He'd missed the feeling of having her hand in his. So much.

"Continue!" The Pict leader cried loudly.

"Well," Rose said, squeezing the Doctor's hand as they walked faster. "We've got to figure this out so I can get back to you, right?"

"Right." In accordance with his personality, the Doctor's expression didn't falter. "Allons-y!"

But as he turned his face away from hers, his eyes reflected the unfathomable depth of sadness and loss that he'd suffered.

Even Sherlock's clinical mind got that drift.


	8. Big spaceships and denial

**A/N  
>Because I never actually watched Paint it White, I have no knowledge of the Pict. So if you can think of these Pict as sort-of-not-really Pict, I would be much obliged.<br>Thanks to everyone who has given me a review! It makes me really happy to see people are enjoying it. Also it makes me seem more normal to see that other people have the same mixed obsessions.  
>And yes, that's obsessions, not interests. Who gets just INTERESTED in stuff?<br>This authors note is getting really long... But it'll make the chapter seem longer!  
>...I know that's cheating...<br>Kay, I'll leave now. Enjoy the story! And if you even think for a second you might want to review, please do!**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"We have arrived." The Pict stopped outside the neighborhood park. "Continue walking."

The Doctor led the way forward. The Pict's ship loomed overhead. He grinned. "It's a UFO!"

Jack and Rose rolled their eyes. The Doctor dealt with UFOs on a daily basis. The Doctor, stereotyping spacecraft. What was the universe coming to?

But technically, it really was a stereotypical looking spaceship. Oval shaped, flying saucerish thing. But it somehow looked like a child's drawing. And it was big. Totally huge.

Jack craned his neck to see the top. "Pretty sweet ride."

The Pict led them on, wordlessly.

The Doctor shot Jack a look.

"It was worth a shot." Jack said under his breath.

The Doctor shook his head. Leave it to Jack.

Rose squeezed his hand. The Doctor turned to look at her. She was laughing silently, but still looked worried.

The Doctor spun to face the rest of his companions. Britain and Rose were looking slightly scared. Watson was looking terrified. Jack was grinning, looking at the Pict. Sherlock was examining the spacecraft.

"We'll be fine." The Doctor addressed the group at large. "Any last minute important info before we get escorted in?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Well, then! Allons-y!" The Doctor followed the lead of the Pict.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The inside was just as white and as just as big as the outside. Bigger, in fact.

"What?"

"Doctor!"

"Fascinating!"

"Wait a second, didn't you say-"

"WHAT?"

"Time Lord science!" Jack marveled. "Your species dealt with the Pict?"

The Doctor was shaking his head. He dug in his pocket for his sonic screwdriver. "Not possible."

The Pict continued down the huge corridor. "Wait in here." They opened an invisible door. "This is where you'll wait for your saviours"

They shut the door.

"Saviours?" Jack smiled. "Sounds right up my alley."

"Jack."

"What should we do?" Watson asked the room at large.

The Doctor frowned. "I haven't the faintest. Good thing I have all these brilliant people around!"

Sherlock's mouth turned up. "Well, I have almost everything figured out."

The Doctor waved his hand. "Of course you do."

Jack cocked an eyebrow. "Do you mind enlightening the rest of us?"

Sherlock held up a finger. " First things first. A country, I believe he was Italy, said someone named 'Doitsu' was here, correct?"

Britain snapped his fingers. "Yeah. That's what Italy calls Germany."

"Strange little relationship there." Jack smirked. "Nice little couple. Almost as nice as Spain and what's-her-name."

"Romano." Britain clarified. " And yeah, there's been something going on."

"I like couples." Jack mused. "I like this one especially." he gestured to Watson and Sherlock.

"Oh." Watson reddened. "We're not a couple."

Jack smirked. "Course you're not."

Sherlock ignored the conversation. Well, he heard every word. He just chose not to pay any attention. "So the question is- where is Germany?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Central Europe. And is this really important to the current events?"

Sherlock was far too dignified to facepalm or swear at the Doctor, but it was obvious that he was not amused.

"This could be of utmost importance to the case, Doctor." Sherlock frowned.

"Not mine." The Doctor waved his free hand. "Come on Rose, help me figure this out."

Sherlock frowned. Why was everyone so immature?

He turned to Watson. Only he ever understood anything.


	9. The lonely god and the geography lesson

"The issues are here." the Doctor said. "Firstly, what made the universes collide? Secondly, what other things have made it through? Thirdly, what do we do about the Pict? And fourthly, how do we separate the universes?"

Jack smirked. "That's a lot of issues. Are you sure you can manage?"

The Doctor waved his hand. "I've fixed worse."

Jack laughed. "Like what?"

"The Battle of Canary Wharf." the Doctor said, a spasm of pain shooting across his face. "Where actual lives were at stake."

"When was that?" Rose asked.

Oh bugger. He'd forgotten. "My past. Your future. Different Doctor, remember?"

"Right." Rose poured. "Can you tell me what happens?"

"No." The Doctor gave her a look. "Timelines, you know that."

"Right." Rose nodded. "Sorry."

Jack grabbed her hand. "So what are we going to do?"

"Something." The Doctor grinned.

The door to the cell slid smoothly open. Into the cell came two Pict, escorting a large group of people.

Britain gasped. "Alfred!"

The Pict left them again.

Britain rushed to America. "What are you doing here?"

"Having an adventure, obviously." America grinned. "This ship is awesome!"

Someone hit him on the head. "My word."

America fell into Britain's arms, to reveal a tall albino with a bird on his head, who handed a frying pan back to a tall red headed girl.

The Doctor and Sherlock sighed simultaneously. Why couldn't they just get to fixing the problem?

Jack patted the Doctor's arm and went over to introduce himself.

From his seat on the floor, holding an unconscious America, Britain gestured to each of the new countries. "There's Prussia, Hungary, China and Austria. Wait- Austria, why are you here?"

Austria, a pompous-looking man with a frockcoat, sniffed. "It was my chance to talk to people with some intellect."

Britain sighed. Austria.

"What's going on aru?" China asked. "I was asleep."

"Universes colliding, evil aliens." Jack explained quickly. "We've got to fix it."

China nodded. "Sounds good aru."

The other countries all nodded. With the new countries had come most of the ones Jack had met before. Romano, Spain, Japan, Italy and France.

Suddenly Italy cried out. "Is Doitsu here?"

Sherlock looked up from where he and the Doctor were conferring in the corner.

"Where is he?" Italy cried.

Sherlock stood up. "The Pict said that he was here, correct?"

Italy dashed around the room, looking in the nooks and crannies. "Doitsu!"

Sherlock sighed and rubbed his temples. Useless people.

Japan stopped Italy with a hand on his shoulder. "Italy, listen to Sherlock, okay? Answer his questions."

Italy nodded.

"The Pict told you that Germany was brought here, correct?"

Italy stared with a blank look. "Wha?"

Sherlock groaned and pulled Watson over. "Translate for me."

"Sorry?"

"Into simple words the questions I ask this below-average minded person."

"He's even more rude than I am!" the Doctor whispered to Rose gleefully.

"Ve~" Italy said. "Yes. They told me Doitsu was here. They wanted me to come too, but I said zat I wanted to bring some of my friends."

"When was the last time you saw Germany? Did he accompany you anywhere that day, or had he gone out alone?"

"Did you see Germa- Doitsu- today?" Watson translated. "Or did he go away by himself?"

Italy frowned. "He went shopping for my pizza that I asked him for. And then-"

"The doorbell rang, and it was the Pict." Sherlock sighed. "I got that part, yeah."

Italy's eyes widened. "How did you know that?"

Watson disguised a laugh as a cough, just barely.

Sherlock turned to him. "What does it take?" he wondered aloud. He turned back to Italy. "I paid attention. I know that's something you people don't normally do, but, hey. I guess I'm just not normal."

Italy stared with wide eyes.

Watson put a hand on Sherlock's shoulder. "Why don't you go help the Doctor?" He gently pushed Sherlock in the direction of the problem-solvers.

"I thought Prussia didn't exist anymore." Jack said to the group of countries at large.

"Well, I'm standing right here." Prussia grinned. "Hey."

Jack grinned back. "Captain Jack Harkness."

"Stop it."

How did he do that? Jack shook his head. "Just saying hello." He called.

The red headed girl stepped from behind Prussia, with crossed arms and a frying pan.

"And you are?" Jack asked.

"Hungary. Elizaveta. Where are you from?"

Jack grinned. He couldn't resist a question like that. "America, Cardiff, 1941 and the 51st century."

Hungary cocked an eyebrow. "Huh."

Jack grinned bigger. He felt Rose slip her hand into his.

"It's so boring over there." Rose sighed. "Is it more fun over here?"

Jack looked quickly over at the Doctor. He was watching Rose.

"Listen, Rose?" Jack began.

"Yeah?"

"I think you need to go over there and stay with the Doctor." Jack nodded pointedly at the Doctor's expression, which made his heart hurt.

Rose looked up at Jack. "What happened to me?"

Jack sighed. He wished he could change everything, right now. It would be so easy. Just a few sentences could make everyone's lives so much better. Rose would be with the Doctor, the Doctor could be happy, maybe they'd even be in love.

But things just didn't work like that.

"Sorry." Jack said unhappily. "I'm really sorry I can't tell you."

Rose sighed as well.

"Just-" Jack stopped. "Just spend all the time we have here with him. For me, for… well… for him."

Rose looked up at Jack, just a quick glance.

"Please." Jack said. "It'll do him a world of good. Maybe two or three."

Rose smiled and walked back to the Doctor, whose expression of sadness was replaced with happiness.

Jack groaned. Why was the universe so cruel?

**A/N**

**Hello! I'm sorry I'm not updating fast. I'm working on 4 stories at once…**

**But no excuses. I'll try to update at least twice a week. **

**I'm glad people are still reading this! It makes me happy **


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